My Experience with Birth Trauma

Sharing personal experiences can be incredibly powerful, inspiring even, especially when it comes to issues as profound as traumatic births. My journey with my 5th child was undoubtedly my most challenging, leading to a year-long battle with trauma, but ultimately, it set me on the path to becoming a doula.

Under the care of a midwife, I was planning for our last baby to be born at home. A sense of unease & fear shrouded my entire pregnancy. Like I was fighting a spiritual battle but wasn’t aware of it at the time. Unfounded fears about my placenta haunted me, despite never encountering issues with it before in prior pregnancies. An ultrasound at 34 weeks revealed a breech position, setting off a race against time to turn the baby. Despite trying various methods, including an ECV, nothing worked, and I was transferred to an OB's care.

I attended this appointment alone due to COVID-19 restrictions. This added to the isolation of the experience. Due to high blood pressure, the decision for a mandatory c-section was made swiftly, leaving me feeling unheard and uncared for. In the haze of the moment, I made permanent birth control decisions that I now regret, decisions that should have been made with clearer judgment.

Unfortunately, my trauma didn't end with the birth. Postpartum Preeclampsia struck unexpectedly at 5 days postpartum, landing me back in the hospital, separated from my newborn and husband. The fearmongering tactics of the medical staff, using alarming phrases, intensified the trauma. Feeling like a pawn in their medical game, I eventually discharged myself against medical advice, determined to heal in the comfort of my own home.

Despite the darkness of this experience, it ignited a fire within me. Phil Wickham's "Battle Belongs" became my anthem. Turning my pain into purpose, I embarked on a journey to become a doula, determined to advocate for mothers and ensure to the best of my ability that no one else would endure such traumatic births.

While the flaws in America's maternity care system are glaring, my hope remains unwavering. I dream of a future where mothers and babies are prioritized, where traumatic births become rare exceptions rather than the norm. Through my work as a doula, I strive to be a beacon of support and empowerment for birthing individuals, rewriting the narrative of childbirth one story at a time.